Conflict of Interest, a Oneshot
by laurenventi
Summary: She wants to tell him that she would give him a second chance, a third chance, a hundredth chance if it meant getting it right...


**A/N: Have no fear! I will have the next chapter of Love Me Or Leave Me up tomorrow night or should I say Friday morning? Say around 4-ish? It's a date! For now, here's another oneshot--which I seem to be obsessed with as of late! Lol.  
**

**Title: Conflict of Interest**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: **_She wants to tell him that she would give him a second chance, a third chance, a hundredth chance if it meant getting it right..._

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"_You know we're supposed to be together. I knew it from the first time I saw you two years ago and you know it, too. I know you do."_

_--_

'It is what it is. You, me.' What did that even mean? What was what it was? Did it mean that they would always end up in this state of confusion, hurt and have that sense of unfinished business each time they saw each other? That they would always run circles around each other? Rory didn't know what to make of it herself. It was all she thought—could think about for the next few weeks. It didn't matter where she was, she couldn't manage to go one day without reliving that night. Scrutinizing the way he stood, his tone and the exact way he said it. Did he intentionally replace what it was that they were—what described them so perfectly—with such an unclear, ambiguous pronoun as 'it' just to be vague? Or was what they had really that indescribable and hard to explain? Finally she couldn't take it anymore. It was three in the morning and she still hadn't slept yet. Unconsciously she picks up the phone and dials his number—a number she doesn't even recall knowing or getting. But as her finger presses the numbers on the keypad she immediately knows its right. He answers groggily on the fourth ring.

"It is what it is." It's all she manages to say at this point and he doesn't understand.

"Excuse me?"

"'It is what it is. You, me.' That's what you said. What does that mean?"

Jess sits up on the bed and runs a hand through his hair, looking at the clock on the nightstand. "It means…" He sighs. "…whatever you want it to mean." Even though it leaves his mouth, it's not what he intended to say He was always confidant and sure of himself…except when it came to her.

"Tell me, please." She knows there's a reason behind it. "I need to know, Jess." Her saying his name is his undoing. He'd move mountains if he could

His hand goes over his mouth as he ponders. "It means that no matter how right we are or…how 'fixed' everything is things never seem to work out for us. No matter how much we want them to." She doesn't say anything so he leans back against the bedpost and continues. "The—the first time it was because of that stupid party at Kyle's and then Jimmy showing up…" He wants to apologize for that night, for leaving without so much as a 'goodbye'. He wants to console her, to kiss her even though she's miles away, to strangle her for giving him a chance in the first place, to reassure her that it will never happen again. Instead he just continues. "Technically, the second time was the night I showed up at your dorm. Believe me, I was just as surprised at what came out of my mouth that night as you were, maybe more so. I had no intention of…" He sighs again. "I saw Dean and…" _…it scared me,_ he continues to himself. "I didn't want you to choose him over me." He laughs bitterly. "I knew you'd say 'no', you had school—Yale. Lorelai. I was kidding myself." As if the idea of her choosing him over Yale or Lorelai was preposterous. She wants to reassure him, tell him that he's wrong. She lets him continue, she knows he's right. "I was desperate, so far from ready for that…" He trails off and glances at the clock again. "And then that disastrous dinner happened." He doesn't mention the 'I love you' for a reason. It hits too close to home right now. "I wanted to make things right, I thought…and then your boyfriend showed up and…" The word tastes bitter on his lips and the bile and disgust rises up his throat. He swallows it back down. "And here we are." He doesn't disclose the details of their recent meeting. This doesn't go unnoticed by her.

"Here we are." She echoes. She doesn't want to say 'thanks'. Saying thanks meant saying goodbye. Until when, she didn't' know. For them it was never goodbye. Never the end.

"Rory." It's the first time he spoke her name aloud in ages. She stops. "It's three thirty in the morning." He waits for her to end the call, she doesn't. "I have to get up at six to get ready to open." It doesn't matter what time it is and they both know it. Under any other circumstances—or perhaps prior to recent events—he'd talk to her regardless of what time he had to get up, regardless of the time it was. But this wasn't any other circumstances. Besides, she hadn't spoken to him in years before recently. Maybe he changed in this way too.

"Oh."

Or maybe he was lying.

She doesn't know what else to say and despite his prior statement he discontinues his efforts to end the conversation. They sit in silence for a minute, two minutes, who knew how long?

"All I wanted was a second chance, Rory." It's out of his mouth before he knows it. He blames it on the lack of self control he always seemed to lack around. "That's all I ever wanted." Her heart breaks a little at each thing that comes out of his mouth. "But to even try again, even if you were to give me that chance—which I highly doubt given my previous record," He chuckles. She doesn't find it funny at all. "…it would be…ridiculous. Insane. Suicidal. Homicidal, even. Anything else along those lines." He was contradicting himself at every turn. But that was them. They were contradictory.

She wants to tell him that it's all a lie, ask why it would be ridiculous and tell him that Logan proposed and she said no because it didn't feel right. She wants to tell him that she would give him a second chance, a third chance, a hundredth chance if it meant getting it right and that not trying would be worse. She says nothing.

"I have to…"

"Right. Okay." She tugs a hand through her hair, preparing for the onslaught of emotions she's about to feel. "I—I'll let you go."

He nods. "Good." _And I'll try to do the same, _he finishes silently.

"Jess."

He sighs and his hand goes to the bridge of his nose. She says his name with so much finality it scares him shitless "This isn't the end, Rory. I know that and you know it too." _I know you do._

"I know." The sincerity of those two words scares him even more. He wonders if she knew it _then._

"Huh."

She swears she hears and 'I know you do' from him but he hangs up before it can register. He doesn't say goodbye. Maybe in some sort of twisted way that left an opening for the next time they met. She realizes he never says goodbye. Not the first or second time. He said 'I love you' the third time, nothing the fourth and Happy Birthday the fifth. She can't recall anything the last time besides the kiss and 'it is what it is' It doesn't matter anyway, all that matters is that he doesn't say it this time.

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**A/N: I went back to my usual style of writing. Although I like reading different points of view, writing my other oneshot Lie to Me in the second person pov was...intersesting and I probably won't be attempting it again.**


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